Everything changes. Always. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s just what happens.
I know things seem to stay the same, for a while at least, but they don’t. Perhaps their change is happening over an incredibly long period – like the sun, which is in the process of dying moment by moment, but is still going to last another five billion years – but it’s happening, believe me.
Yesterday there was a lamppost outside my house. Today there isn’t, because someone reversed into it and knocked it over. This morning I had a beard, now I don’t.
So why am I obsessed with change right now? Simples. Because there’s a lot of it going on for me at the moment.
At the end of may I completed my six month tenure as a resident at the yoga centre in Putney. I agreed to six months when I moved in there, and six months is what I did. But I couldn’t tell you how I did it! Because it was tough. Not the work so much, though it could have its moments, but the capricous nature of some of the other members of the ‘community’.
Honestly, I’ve enough dealing with the demons running round in my own head, never mind other peoples’. I saw staff members who planned to stay for months come and go within a matter of weeks, sometimes disappearing over night. I took dressing downs for things I hadn’t done, or that most people would file under ‘minor irritation’ that for some reason were ‘major problems’ there (the more intense the environment the bigger the problems are; just ask anyone who’s been to prison). I broke up one fight, had a slanging match with a student, and saw people who think they’re somewhat enlightened who clearly had no idea what self realisation is all about.
But that was just the bad. I also met and worked with some of the nicest people you could ever imagine meeting. Y’know, the sort of people you’d let look after you dog. I got to experience some intensely selfless moments, learnt lessons that needed to be learned, and discovered that I can do so much more than I thought possible.
It was a learning experience alright, but all things must eventually come to an end.
I’ve moved to Kendal, in the Lake District (well, technically just outside, but only just ‘just outside’, if you can’t my drift), partly for a better quality of life at a cheaper price, but mostly to give me time to work on my new novel, which I could not do while I was at the yoga centre. I’m still working in London, for now, which means going back and forth all the time, staying in airbnbs, and wondering why I bother quite a lot, but that won’t be forever. In fact, by the end of the year, I hope to be done with TV work for good (for the third and final time in my life).
I’m glad to say the novel writing is going well. I have some good characters, a really strong outline, and I think that by the end of the year I should have the first draft ready to send to the outside world. The question is, by then, where will I be living?
You see, this is where the impermanence comes in again. I had expected to be in my new flat for at least a year, but six weeks into my contract the landlord makes it clear he wants to sell. Six weeks! I was not amused to say the least. It cost me a lot to make this move, never mind the stress and aggro, and now this! Honestly, I could spit.
But that’s it isn’t it: Change; impermanence. Nothing ever lasts, and though you think it should, and you expect it will, even that can change too.
This is why we practice non-attachment, so that we can remain stoic in the face of the ever changing universe. To greet triumph and disaster with equanimity, and to remember that, like a boat on the ocean, all the highs and lows are merely peaks and troughs on an endless sea of waves.
Anyway, some food for thought there. To quote Slartybartfast, “Hang the sense of it and just keep yourself busy.” So, to that end, I’ve joined Twitter and Instagram. Just a little something to keep me going for now. If you use either you’ll find me as @LakeyCakesUK on both, but I’ll also be posting a little more frequently on here (once I sort through my plethora of pictures from the summer so far).
It’s all change for me. And it’s all change for you. And that’s neither good, nor bad, it just is. And once we get to grips with that, life can get a whole lot easier.
“Everything will be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, that’s because this is not the end.”